The 70s is a decade of bellbottoms, disco fever, and, unfortunately, some truly atrocious music. While the era produced iconic soundscapes and legendary artists, it also birthed a peculiar breed of sonic monstrosity. Thankfully, Rolling Stone came to the rescue in 2011, asking their readers to vote on the absolute worst the decade had to offer. The results are, as expected, a cringe-inducing journey through a musical wasteland.
Prepare to be horrified, amused, or both. This list is a testament to the collective ear of the public. No one’s taste is immune to questionable choices, and the 70s chart-toppers are proof positive.
But fear not, fellow music lovers. While this list is a testament to the era’s questionable taste, it also serves as a reminder of how far we’ve come. So, grab your noise-canceling headphones (or a stiff drink), and let’s explore the depths of this musical wasteland.
10. Minnie Riperton – “Loving You”
Minnie Riperton was undoubtedly a gifted vocalist. Her ability to hit notes that seemed to defy human capacity is undeniable. However, her song “Loving You” takes this talent to an excessive extreme.
While Riperton’s personal connection to the song, writing part of the melody for her daughter, adds a layer of sentimental value, it doesn’t outweigh the song’s overall sonic assault. The long version, featuring Riperton singing her daughter’s name, is a particularly cringe-worthy moment.
Ultimately, “Loving You” is a prime example of why the 70s are often mocked for their musical choices. Riperton’s vocal prowess is undeniable, but it’s tragically misused in this overblown and dated track.
9. Morris Albert – “Feelings”
Thankfully, unlike some other entries on this list, Morris Albert’s backstory is relatively uninteresting. There are no tragic tales or famous offspring to distract from the real crime here: “Feelings”. This song has been a punchline for decades, and for good reason.
The lyrics are so vague as to be almost meaningless. What kind of feelings is Albert singing about? Love, heartbreak, existential dread? It’s impossible to say. The song’s title says it all, and not in a good way.
While Albert maintains a following in his native Brazil, he’s largely forgotten in the US, and for good reason. “Feelings” is a prime example of why the world needed punk rock.
8. Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods – “Billy Don’t Be A Hero”
“Billy Don’t Be A Hero” was originally penned by the British group Paper Lace as a reflection on the American Civil War. However, its release coincided with the waning days of the Vietnam War, creating a powerful, if unintended, connection to that conflict. Much like how MASH* used the Korean War as a backdrop to explore the Vietnam experience, this song became synonymous with the anti-war sentiment of the 70s.
Ironically, despite its anti-war message, “Billy Don’t Be A Hero” is often remembered more for its saccharine pop sound than its lyrical content. The song’s popularity led to a cover version by Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods, which became a surprise hit.
Ultimately, while the song’s original intent may have been rooted in history, its impact was undeniably shaped by the tumultuous era in which it was released.
7. Terry Jacks – “Seasons In The Sun”
The 70s soft rock onslaught continues with Terry Jacks’ “Seasons in the Sun”. Like “Billy Don’t Be A Hero,” this track is drenched in melancholy, this time focusing on a dying person’s farewell to loved ones.
Originally a poem by Rod McKuen, the song gained initial fame through a 1961 recording by Jacques Brel. However, it was Terry Jacks’ 1974 version that became a global phenomenon. Ironically, despite this massive success, Jacks largely stepped away from the music industry shortly after.
While the song’s emotional core is undeniable, its over-the-top sentimentality and overly familiar melody contribute to its status as a 70s classic… for all the wrong reasons.
6. Rupert Holmes – “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)”
Unlike many other tracks on this list, “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” has a certain undeniable charm. Inspired by a real-life personal ad, Rupert Holmes crafted a catchy tune about a couple’s unexpected rendezvous. The song’s premise is both humorous and intriguing, with a plot twist worthy of a modern-day O. Henry short story.
Interestingly, the song’s iconic lyrics were almost different. Holmes originally penned “Humphrey Bogart” before opting for the more universally appealing “pina coladas.” Despite the song’s carefree vibe, the couple’s willingness to cheat seems to be overlooked as they bond over shared interests.
While “Escape” was a massive hit, Holmes’ subsequent pop career was short-lived. He found greater success later in life as a playwright, proving that even the architects of cheesy pop songs can have unexpected second acts.
5. The Captain and Tennille – “Muskrat Love”
The Captain and Tennille were obvious targets for this list, but you all managed to avoid the low-hanging fruit of their more famous hits. Instead, you wisely chose the truly bizarre “Muskrat Love”. This song, originally titled “Muskrat Candlelight,” is less about human emotion and more about, well, muskrats in love.
Written by obscure country rocker Willis Alan Ramsey, the song was covered by America before the Captain and Tennille made it a chart-topper. The duo even performed this rodent romance at the White House for Queen Elizabeth II. Why the Ford administration thought this was appropriate entertainment remains a mystery.
Despite the absurdity of “Muskrat Love”, the Captain and Tennille’s personal relationship is a rare success story in the often tumultuous world of music duos. They remain happily married, a testament to their enduring bond.
4. Debby Boone – “You Light Up My Life”
Debby Boone’s “You Light Up My Life” was an undeniable cultural phenomenon in the 1970s. Its ten-week reign at number one is a testament to its popularity. While the song was intended as a love song, Boone herself interpreted it as a reflection of her faith.
However, the song’s legacy is deeply tainted by the actions of its songwriter, Joe Brooks. Accused of sexually assaulting multiple women, Brooks tragically took his own life before facing trial. Adding to the family’s troubles, his son Nicholas was involved in a separate murder case.
The dark clouds surrounding the Brooks family make it difficult to enjoy “You Light Up My Life” without a sense of unease. The song’s once innocent glow is now overshadowed by a complex and disturbing reality.
3. Paul Anka – “(You’re) Having My Baby”
Paul Anka is undoubtedly a talented songwriter, with classics like “My Way” cementing his legacy. However, his 1974 hit “(You’re) Having My Child” is a painful departure from his usual quality. This overly sweet ballad about impending fatherhood struck a chord with many at the time, propelling Anka back to the top of the charts.
Unfortunately, the song hasn’t aged well. Its saccharine lyrics and melodramatic tone are cringe-worthy by today’s standards. Despite its initial success, the song is now often mocked for its overly sentimental approach to parenthood.
Ironically, the song experienced a brief resurgence in popularity when it was featured on the TV show Glee. However, the context of the show’s dramatic storyline only highlighted the song’s dated and overly dramatic qualities.
2. Starland Vocal Band – “Afternoon Delight”
“Afternoon Delight” is a song that walks a fine line between catchy and cringe-worthy. The Starland Vocal Band, composed of two real-life couples, managed to create a chart-topping hit celebrating midday intimacy. Ironically, both couples eventually divorced, adding a layer of irony to the song’s lyrics.
The song’s success was undeniable, propelling the group to fame and even earning them a Grammy for Best New Artist. However, their victory over more deserving contenders like the Ramones and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers is a constant source of frustration for music fans.
Despite its questionable lyrical content and questionable Grammy win, “Afternoon Delight” continues to hold a place in popular culture, thanks in part to its appearance on the TV show Glee.
1. Rick Dees – “Disco Duck”
Rick Dees, a Memphis DJ immersed in the disco craze, decided to satirize the genre with his own song, “Disco Duck”. Surprisingly, this novelty tune became a massive hit in 1976, propelling Dees to unexpected fame. Ironically, the song was met with resistance in his hometown, where local radio stations refused to play it.
Despite subsequent attempts to replicate the success of “Disco Duck” with other novelty songs, Dees struggled to maintain his newfound stardom. The rise of Weird Al Yankovic and his similar comedic approach to music further overshadowed Dees’ career.
However, Dees found lasting success as a radio personality, hosting the long-running “Rick Dees Weekly Top 40” countdown show, which began in 1983 and continues to be a popular feature on radio stations across the country.