Pop music in 1972 wasn’t all bell bottoms and glam rock anthems. Nestled between the era’s defining hits were musical sinkholes you could trip and fall face-first into.
We’re talking featherweight pop churned out for maximum teenybopper appeal, rock ballads dripping with cheese, and blatant attempts to chase the previous year’s hottest trends.
Forget one-hit wonders and forgettable disco cuts. This list dives into the baffling releases by artists we expected better from. From established legends to acts with early promise, these are the ten songs that embody the absolute worst of the early 70s.
10. “Hold Your Head Up” by Argent
1972 was a golden age for hard rock, with Led Zeppelin and Blue Oyster Cult reigning supreme. But not every band captured the magic. Argent, a British group led by ex-Zombies keyboardist Rod Argent, found minor success with “Hold Your Head Up”. The song feels like a confused tribute to late-60s rock legends.
It throws together power chords reminiscent of Pete Townshend, psychedelic percussion, and a bassline that vaguely echoes Creedence Clearwater Revival. While the production is decent and Argent’s organ skills shine, the song lacks a cohesive identity. The repetitive, one-line chorus with an annoying wail only amplifies its forgettable quality.
9. “Brand New Key” by Melanie
Melanie Safka’s “Brand New Key” is a cautionary tale for any artist considering a drastic genre shift. Fans who adored the soulful power of “Lay Down” were left baffled by this foray into cutesy, old-fashioned parlor music. The melody feels uninspired, echoing a style long past its prime.
Unfortunately, Safka’s vocals don’t fare much better. Straining for high notes and an unconvincing falsetto, she sounds ill-suited for this kind of twee pop. The lyrics, while possibly hinting at innuendo, could just as easily be about roller skates. “Brand New Key” is a forgettable mess that marked a sharp decline in Melanie’s commercial success.
8. “The Happiest Girl in the Whole U.S.A.” by Donna Fargo
“The Happiest Girl in the Whole U.S.A.” by Donna Fargo aims for pure, unadulterated joy, but ends up feeling one-note and cloying. The lyrics celebrate a new marriage with gushing pronouncements and cutesy pet names (“bojangle clock”).
Fargo’s narration lacks the emotional depth or wit to make generic declarations like “life is all peaches and cream” land. While happy music is a balm, “The Happiest Girl” drowns listeners in sugary metaphors and repetitive chimes, appealing only to those in the throes of new love bliss. Everyone else might find it a saccharine slog.
7. “Sylvia’s Mother” by Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show
While Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show found later success with the witty “Cover of Rolling Stone”, their debut single, “Sylvia’s Mother”, was a schmaltzy misstep. Lead singer Dennis Locorierre’s vocals drown the song in a quivering, tearful delivery. Imagine an over-the-top actor, mugging shamelessly for the audience.
Here, Locorierre’s excessive emoting makes the narrator’s unrequited crush sound more stalkerish than lovesick. The bland melody does little to salvage the song, leaving “Sylvia’s Mother” a forgettable, wimpy mess that foreshadowed several more underwhelming hits.
6. “Coconut” by Harry Nilsson
arry Nilsson’s “Coconut” is a curious case. If we compare his work to Modest Mouse, then “Coconut” might be his whimsical counterpart to Isaac Brock’s quirkier tracks – a silly detour on an otherwise good album (Nilsson Schmilsson). However, as a single, “Coconut” lands with a thud.
The song is a repetitive, forgettable chant that borrows heavily from reggae. Imagine only remembering a single line from a song, and that’s all there is. “You put the lime in the coconut and drink ’em both up” dominates the entire 4-minute runtime with barely any variation. It’s an annoying earworm that overstays its welcome, a far cry from the more substantial work Nilsson is known for.
5. “Black and White” by Three Dog Night
Three Dog Night’s “Black and White” aims for a feel-good message of racial unity. Originally written by Earl Robinson and Milton Arkin (actor Alan Arkin’s father!), the song promotes a world free of prejudice. However, Three Dog Night’s version falls flat.
The lyrics are simplistic, lacking nuance or vivid imagery. References to the landmark Brown v. Board of Education ruling, which could have added weight, were omitted. Musically, the song relies on uninspired pop melodies and unconvincing vocals. “Black and White” feels more concerned with commercial success than tackling a complex issue, leaving a bland aftertaste.
4. “My Ding-A-Ling” by Chuck Berry
1972 was prime time for rock and roll. Loud guitars, suggestive lyrics, and raw energy ruled the airwaves. A perfect storm for a Chuck Berry comeback, right? After all, Berry’s music in the 50s laid the groundwork for countless rock legends. Who better to reconnect the genre to its roots?
Well, things didn’t quite go as planned. Berry’s big comeback single, “My Ding-A-Ling”, turned out to be a four-minute (or an excruciating eleven-minute album version) ode to… well, the title makes it pretty clear. While suggestive humor isn’t new to Berry’s work, “My Ding-A-Ling” lacks the spark of his earlier hits, a disappointing misstep from a rock and roll legend.
3. “Troglodyte (Cave Man)” by The Jimmy Castor Bunch
The Jimmy Castor Bunch’s “Troglodyte (Cave Man)” is a baffling case. Online reviews are surprisingly positive, with some calling it a hidden gem of 70s funk. But to many ears, it belongs alongside novelty hits like “Disco Duck” for its sheer awfulness.
What makes “Troglodyte” so unappealing? The monotonous, single-chord music, the grunting vocals, and lyrics that are equal parts outdated humor and questionable taste (“you can’t grab women by the hair…because she might be wearing a weave!”). It’s a song so bad, it becomes a debate whether it’s ironically enjoyable or just plain awful.
2. “Puppy Love” by Donny Osmond
Donny Osmond is caught here butchering Paul Anka’s “Puppy Love”. Anka’s original from 1960 wasn’t exactly a masterpiece, but Osmond manages to make it even worse.
Twelve years of technological advancements are wasted here, drenching the song in syrupy strings and excessive vocal layering. Osmond’s prepubescent vocals are debatable at best (you decide if they’re better or worse than Anka’s). This sugary mess is a prime example of why Donny Osmond will be a frequent guest on these worst-of lists.
1. “Jungle Fever” by The Chakachas
The 1970s were a golden age for R&B love songs, known for their smooth grooves and suggestive lyrics. However, some took it a step further, incorporating actual sex noises into the recordings. While this might have fit the era’s growing acceptance of explicit media, it hasn’t aged well.
“Jungle Fever” by The Chakachas is a prime example. This forgettable slice of funk relies on clumsy moans and groans to add heat, failing to capture the sensuality of classic 70s slow jams. Without the audio gimmick, the song barely qualifies as blaxploitation soundtrack filler. The low-effort music combined with awkward sound effects makes “Jungle Fever” a painfully dated and shallow listen.