The 1970s was a decade of unparalleled musical richness, a time when groundbreaking artists pushed the boundaries of sound and culture. But as with any golden age, there’s a darker side, a shadow cast by the brilliance. As the decade waned, so too did the overall quality of pop music. The once-vibrant landscape began to be overrun by a bland, formulaic monotony.
We’re talking about the bottom of the barrel here, the songs so bad they’re almost impressive in their sheer awfulness. As the 70s stumbled into the ’80s, the worst offenders became a particularly egregious bunch. Prepare yourself for a journey through the musical underworld, a descent into a sonic abyss populated by tunes so terrible they’re almost entertaining.
Let’s revisit a part of the decade that, while undeniably iconic, also produced its fair share of musical monstrosities. Let’s dive into the depths of 1979’s pop charts and unearth ten tracks so bad they’re almost good for a laugh.
10. “Born to Be Alive” – Patrick Hernandez
Patrick Hernandez’s “Born to Be Alive” is the sonic equivalent of a relentless, joyless treadmill. This Eurodance precursor, born a decade before its time, embodies everything wrong with the genre: a relentless, repetitive beat that grinds on and on, devoid of any musical evolution.
It’s as if the French singer took a fantastic guitar riff and intentionally buried it beneath layers of monotonous, mechanical noise. This track is a prime example of how even a promising foundation can be utterly wasted with a lack of creativity.
The song’s formula is as predictable as it is infuriating. It’s a relentless assault on the senses, a sonic equivalent of a car crash in slow motion. While disco was often criticized for its simplicity, it at least had a sense of groove and energy. “Born to Be Alive” is neither groovy nor energetic; it’s simply exhausting.
9. “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” – Neil Diamond & Barbra Streisand
A duet should be a harmonious blend of voices, a sonic embrace. Yet, “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” feels more like a forced cohabitation than a loving partnership. The song’s lyrical heart is undeniably heavy, a poignant exploration of a love in decline. It’s a shame, then, that the vocal performances fail to capture the emotional depth of the lyrics.
Barbra Streisand’s signature dramatics feel out of place in a song that requires subtlety and restraint. Meanwhile, Neil Diamond’s typically confident delivery comes across as oddly detached from the song’s melancholic tone.
The song’s orchestral arrangement, while lush, lacks the percussive punch needed to truly elevate the emotion. It’s as if the music is afraid to commit, leaving a void where a powerful heartbeat should be. Ultimately, “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” is a missed opportunity: a promising concept undermined by its execution.
8. “You Take My Breath Away” – Rex Smith
Rex Smith’s “You Take My Breath Away” is a textbook case of a singer mistaking a stage for a recording studio. Emerging from the shadow of his Grease success, Smith attempts to woo listeners with a power ballad that borders on the operatic.
Unfortunately, his vocal performance is more suited for a Broadway stage than an intimate musical moment. Every note is delivered with a dramatic flourish, as if he’s trying to outshine the entire orchestra.
The song itself is a simple love ballad, yearning for a delicate touch. Instead, we’re treated to a vocal gymnastics display that’s more exhausting than enchanting. It’s as if Smith is convinced that sheer volume and vocal acrobatics can compensate for a lack of emotional depth. The result is a song that feels more like an audition piece than a heartfelt expression of love.
7. “Music Box Dancer” – Frank Mills
“Music Box Dancer” is a peculiar anomaly in the annals of pop music. A simple piano ditty, originally intended as a B-side, somehow managed to capture the hearts and ears of millions. How did this inoffensive, borderline elevator music become a chart-topping sensation? Its success remains a baffling enigma.
Perhaps the song’s unexpectedness contributed to its appeal. A fish out of water in the world of pop, it offered a refreshing contrast to the bombastic and overproduced tracks dominating the airwaves. Yet, its charm is undeniably shallow.
While it may not be offensive, it lacks the depth, complexity, or emotional resonance that typically defines a great pop song. In the end, “Music Box Dancer” remains a curious footnote in music history, a reminder that sometimes, the most inexplicable things can become wildly popular.
6. “Chuck E’s in Love” – Rickie Lee Jones
This one is a perplexing sonic experiment that feels more like a pretentious pose than a genuine artistic statement. The vocal melody of “Chuck E’s in Love” is a deliberate departure from traditional pop structures, opting for a meandering, improvised feel.
While this unconventional approach might be admirable in theory, the execution falls flat. Jones’ vocal style, characterized by a slurred, almost nonchalant delivery, lacks the emotional depth and musicality to carry the song.
It’s as if Jones is intentionally trying to distance herself from conventional pop, affecting a cool, aloof persona. But this calculated detachment comes across as arrogant rather than artistic. The song’s “jazz-inflected” elements feel more like a superficial veneer than a genuine musical exploration. Ultimately, “Chuck E’s in Love” is a self-indulgent exercise in vocal gymnastics that fails to connect with the listener on any meaningful level.
5. “Sharing the Night Together” – Dr. Hook
“Sharing the Night Together” is the musical equivalent of a lukewarm bath: comfortable, inoffensive, and utterly forgettable. The band’s trademark blandness is on full display here, with Dennis Locorierre’s whiny vocals and the band’s generic, mid-tempo sound creating a sonic landscape devoid of any excitement or originality.
The lyrics are as generic as they come, offering nothing new or insightful. This song is so unremarkable that it barely registers as a blip on the radar of musical mediocrity. It lacks the spark of creativity or even the audacity to be truly terrible.
Unlike some of the other songs on this list, “Sharing the Night Together” doesn’t even inspire strong negative emotions; it simply exists in a state of bland indifference.
4. “Suspicions” – Eddie Rabbitt
This Eddie Rabbitt hit is a representative case of how a song can suffer from a case of too much haste. Despite the singer’s claim of penning the track in a mere five minutes, the song lacks the spark of spontaneity one might expect from such a quick creative burst.
Instead, it feels polished to a fault, devoid of the raw energy or emotional depth that can often arise from impulsive songwriting. The song’s instrumental backdrop is bland and predictable, offering little in the way of melodic or harmonic interest. The lyrics, riddled with cliches and possessive undertones, are equally underwhelming.
It’s as if Rabbitt was more concerned with creating a generic, radio-friendly track than crafting a memorable piece of music. Ultimately, “Suspicions” is a prime example of how even a seasoned songwriter can fall victim to the pursuit of commercial success over artistic integrity.
3. “(Our Love) Don’t Throw It All Away” – Andy Gibb
As the younger brother of the Bee Gees, Andy Gibb was undoubtedly living in a long shadow. While he possessed a decent voice, his solo career often felt like a pale imitation of his brothers’ success. “(Our Love) Don’t Throw It All Away” is the best example of this.
Originally a discarded track from the Saturday Night Fever sessions, the song was dusted off and handed to Andy, with Barry Gibb’s backing vocals thrown in for good measure. It’s as if the song was assembled from leftover parts, lacking the spark and originality of a truly inspired creation.
The song’s melody is forgettable, and the lyrics are generic to the point of being interchangeable with countless other love ballads of the era. It’s a shame, as Andy Gibb had potential beyond being a mere echo of his famous siblings. This song, unfortunately, highlights the squandered opportunities of his career.
2. “In the Navy” – Village People
The Village People, with their iconic costumes and infectious anthems, became synonymous with the disco era and the LGBTQ+ movement. While their music often leaned into stereotypes, songs like “Y.M.C.A.” managed to capture a sense of playful campiness that resonated with audiences. However, “In the Navy” marks a significant misstep for the group.
Not only does the song fail to capture the same level of campy energy as their previous hits, but it also serves as a thinly veiled advertisement for the U.S. Navy. The fact that the military allowed the group to film a music video on a real warship speaks volumes about the song’s intended purpose.
It’s a far cry from the subversive spirit of “Y.M.C.A.”, which, despite its own limitations, at least offered a sense of community and empowerment. “In the Navy” feels like a cynical attempt to cash in on the group’s popularity, a disappointing departure from their earlier work.
1. “Get Used to It” – Roger Voudouris
Roger Voudouris’ “Get Used to It” is the sonic equivalent of a beige wall: bland, unremarkable, and utterly forgettable. The song lacks any distinctive qualities, failing to evoke either strong positive or negative emotions.
Its generic melody and tinny synth sound create a sonic landscape that is both uninteresting and mildly irritating. The lyrics, with their arrogant, entitled tone, add to the song’s overall unpleasantness. Yet, even the lyrical content fails to rise to the level of truly offensive.
Instead, the song simply exists in a state of bland mediocrity, a persistent annoyance that lingers in the mind long after it has finished playing. It’s the kind of song that can ruin a perfectly good day, a sonic equivalent of a mosquito buzzing in your ear.